Tulpa.info - metaphysics

But it can also be unbelievably good

2:27 AM

The whole universe is legit bipolar with how extreme each end goes

2:28 AM

Which is basically what I think the bible talks about

2:28 AM

Hell and heaven are places you bring to earth through your actions

2:29 AM

Sin brings about hell, and righteousness brings about heaven

2:30 AM

And we exist currently in this struggle between the two

hmm

2:30 AM

not how I think about it, but I ain't bipolar

As has everyone since the garden of eden

2:32 AM

I'm not sure I understand your take on religion lol

2:33 AM

But I'm still curious about the DID

yeah I got funky views on religion

2:35 AM

I wasn't raised with no religion

2:35 AM

never stepped foot in a church til this year

2:36 AM

and the first one was a UU church and they ain't christian lol

Do you have a name for the other that presumably takes over?

yeah uh

2:45 AM

Gavin

2:45 AM

I'm being a bit silly but yeah Gavin is part of that

2:46 AM

I used to use names, placeholder-y names, but I don't really anymore

2:46 AM

I have mostly child parts, I just call them child parts

2:46 AM

internally we have more names for them but it's my goal to act toward integration, and how I present myself externally is part of that

2:47 AM

and it's no so much about "taking over" really, I mean... if that was the case, then I'm taking over right now!

2:47 AM

broken plate metaphor

2:47 AM

if you drop a plate on the floor, there's not a "real plate" and then "other pieces", it's just all pieces of a plate

2:47 AM

Gavin is a lot different, he's a lot more like a second host really

Makes too much sense to me lol

or a tulpa

2:48 AM

it's a lot like PTSD more than tulpas, DID is

2:48 AM

not everyone gets a Gavin

Believe it or not I have a few of the elements of PTSD but my episodes are so rare its virtually not diagnosable

my child parts are reasonably similar to having a flashback and being confused about where you are/what's going on, they are closer to that than to tulpas

2:48 AM

it's not hard to believe at all, it ain't uncommon

So maybe I can relate to what some of it is like for you

in this fucky world and all that

I mean I've absolutely been through some horrible unspeakable shit but it was so long ago that I think I'm mostly recovered from all that

2:49 AM

I got lucky in that way I guess

but unlike flashbacks, alters endure a lot more it's more than just a certain state, it's like, there's more layers to it with alters my child parts have their own states

2:49 AM

yeah I thought I was that way too LOL

2:49 AM

it was upsetting to me that it caught up

I know that feeling too

2:50 AM

Its kinda fucked up but yeah....I... I was made by my host specifically to get him through an extremely bad time

you ain't the first and you won't be the last

And like- that's what happens when I get those episodes

2:51 AM

Is my personality literally reverts to how it was then

2:52 AM

And I feel this fight within myself trying to figure out which Is the real me

2:52 AM

I don't know if you've felt anything like that lol

hahah

2:53 AM

yeah I sure have

2:53 AM

you know

And I'm just in this fucking horrible

you might like to talk to my friend Tom, he was actually talking to me about just that, the other day

Psychopathic-like survival mode

not tonight, I think he's in bed already lol

Because that's what I had to be to survive back then (edited)

yeah

Thankfully it is rare that it happens

2:54 AM

I'm sorry if you go through that a lot

meh I ain't dead yet

2:55 AM

maybe it sounds bad but it's sorta kinda my normal???

2:55 AM

like

2:55 AM

I just don't think of it as too bad, even if it maybe kinda is

I've found out the hard way that some of my triggers are small things like hearing a song from back then

2:56 AM

Do you feel it coming on when it happens to you?

2:56 AM

Or is it instant?

depends

2:56 AM

sometimes it creeps up, sometimes I do have more of the classic "triggered" situation, not the meme sort, but like, "oh wow oh shit I can't look at that/read about that, that's too much"

2:56 AM

it was a lot worse about a year back

I get that too

2:57 AM

Except I can't stop "chasing the rabbit" is how I call it actually

2:57 AM

Some fucked up part of me makes me do it

2:58 AM

How long does it take before its over for you?

2:58 AM

Mine are like, 3 or 4 hours tops usually

mm, depends widely

I see

anywhere from five minutes, as soon as I'm away from the stimulus I'm better, to two-day-long absolute breakdown ruts

2:59 AM

but I'd say it's more like maybe 4 hoursish, same as you

Any chance they put you on antipsychotics? Not calling you insane but I'm wondering if theyd help

like, ruins my afternoon type of situation, or more likely, I bug out in the night and spend a few hours on bad

2:59 AM

naw lol

3:00 AM

they ain't nothing for DID directly, antipsychotics don't help alters

3:00 AM

because it's.... part of you

3:00 AM

I did try xanax but I think I mentioned, I don't really get the positive/additive syptoms of anxiety

3:00 AM

no sweating, no racing heart, none of that

3:00 AM

xanax didn't do shit

3:00 AM

there's no drug to stop dissociation

3:01 AM

and I also just personally disagree with any sort of psych med taken daily, or meds taken daily in general

Lmao Xanax didnt do shit for me either but that was for anxiety

it's up to me, man, it's my deal

3:01 AM

DID is the type of thing you recover from by learning shit, and there's no way to weasel out of the horrible effort it takes over years

Yeah I get that

3:02 AM

Feels like you're so fucked up that there's no treatment that can save you

naw I don't feel like that

3:03 AM

I just feel angry sometimes that I have so much shit to do lol

No?

yeah, it feels empowering that it's all within my control

Well that's a good mindset then lol

3:03 AM

Congrats

Dont get mad at me now but life does the effort for or at least "through" you. Doing shit happens, all you "can do" is be conscious of it

I prefer having DID to almost any other mental illness because I can heal schiozophrenics don't heal, they just find a good cocktail of drugs